


Doki Doki Slam Poetry Club!

by Naarel



Series: Doki Doki Slam Poetry Club! [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club!
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Depression, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Monika isn't Japanese, Natsuki is trans, Poetry, Sayori hanged herself but she didn't die, Self-Harm, Slam Poetry, alternative universe, depersonalisation, derealisation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-03 15:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13344270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naarel/pseuds/Naarel
Summary: "A poetry slam is a competitive event in which poets perform their work and are judged by members of the audience. Everyone who signs up has the opportunity to read in the first round; the lineup for subsequent rounds is determined by the judges' scores."~via UrbanDictionaryYin Murakami is an ordinary girl, who just happens to like coffee a little bit too much. One day, she meets someone in her favourite café; name's Monika Erato, and she's a president of an unofficial Slam Poetry Club. Monika soon convinces Yin to join them all and slowly introduces Murakami to her friends: shy Yuri Miyamoto, weirdly behaving Sayori Shimizu and stubborn Natsuki Oshiro.As the time passes, Yin starts to notice that every girl's got a problem: Yuri likes knifes a little bit too much, Sayori often jokes about suicide, Natsuki is afraid of being touched and Monika... doesn't seem to have a solid grasp on reality.and you can do nothing about it.





	1. Murakami Yin

"Can I sit there?" I asked a girl with bright brown hair with a giant white ribbon in it. She was looking at me as she was judging me, but then she smiled warmly and noded.

I sat next to her, placing my coffee cup as carefully as I could, because I didn't want to accidentally destroy pieces of paper that probably belonged to this girl. These were sheets filled with pristine, easy to read handwriting. I sipped a little bit of my coffee and then looked at these papers closely. It seemed that words written there were forming a poem, but I didn't manage to read even one verse of it.

"Are you interested in poetry?" she asked. I looked at her and I saw the curiosity in her green eyes.  
"Sometimes I even write" I said.  
"Oh. Are you showing your poems to someone?"  
"I never had an opportunity."  
"You know..." The girl looked at her poems, then at her cup of coffee, and finally, she looked at me. "Wait, no, not like this. I should introduce myself first."  
She took a deep breath and straightened up.  
"Monika Erato, unofficial leader of the Slam Poetry Club"

Japanese people aren't introducing themselves in this way. It's always surname first, then your name. But I didn't ask.  
"Murakami Yui. No, I don't know THIS Murakami."  
Monika giggled and then leaned her head on her right hand.  
"What I meant was that... if you, of course, was eager enough... you could join us. If you wanted to. We really could use someone new and you could show your poems to somebody. If you gave me your number..." Monika hesitated. "Oh, I'm sorry. It sure does sound weird and... ahaha... I'm sorry."  
"Why do you even apologise? I'll gladly join you." Well, to be honest, I kinda didn't want to. But seeing Monika's sincere enthusiasm and willpower used to talk to me about it... I had to join.  
"Oh." She just looked at me with a shock. "But... you're serious?"  
"Why wouldn't I be?"

Monika blinked fast, almost like she tried to comprehend words I've just said. Suddenly, she smiled brightly and started to write something really fast in her notebook. She tore a page and gave it to me. Her hand was really warm.  
"Hope we'll see you soon! But you know. No pressure" she said, taking her notes with her. Then she left, leaving her unfinished coffee.

  
On the page there was an adress. I knew where it was, so it wouldn't be a problem if I wanted to go there.

"Uhm... hi, it's me again. I forgot to finish my coffee" said Monika, embarassed.

It seemed like it will be fun.

***

I opened the door, although they were so heavy that they nearly broke my hands. The corridor bathed in green light, which was kinda weird choice in my humble opinion.

Third door on the left... third door on the left... found it.

The room wasn't big, nor it didn't have a lot of furniture. It was just an ordinary room, with an ordinary table, four chairs, an armchair and a small wardrobe. The only light came from few big, bright candles.

"Oh, so you decided to come!" said Monika, smiling. She had white shirt with green tie, matching her eye colour. She waved her hand.

"Hi! Oh my, I was dying to meet you!" girl with messy peach coloured hair giggled. "I'm Shimizu Sayori!" Her shirt was light blue, almost like my hair, with pink and white striped tie, tied very loosely. Her neck was heavily bruised, but I didn't want to ask. Next to her, there was a girl with purple hair, who was looking at Sayori with a concerned look. She glanced at me and her expression changed.

"Miyamoto Yuri. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Was that all? Well, she didn't look like the most talkative person, but she surely looked like someone really mature. She had flawlessly white shirt and an elegant black tie. I immediately thought about my absolutely inappropriate red flannel shirt.

"Jeez, Yuri, can't 'ya be less formal?" said the last girl. I thought she was fourteen or something.

"Oshiro Natsuki. You better remember this name, or you'll get into trouble, gal." Her voice was so high, but she definitely wasn't. Also, Natsuki was the only one who didn't have a tie. She had a pink bowtie, matching her hair, and a brown vest.

"Murakami Yin. Nice to meet you too."

"Oh, Murakami, you say? Such an interesting surname" Yuri said, staring into my eyes so intensively that I felt kinda strange. Like a prey, being hunted.

"No, she doesn't know THIS Murakami", said Monika, showing me my chair, next to her armchair. "So, now that we all know each other, maybe you will show us your poems?"

I froze. I forgot my favourite poem. My hand was in my bag, as I pretended to seek for it.

"Do 'ya even have ANYTHING?" Natsuki frowned. "I hope you are here because 'ya want to take us SERIOUSLY"

"I-I do! I just... I just..." Natsuki was cute, but also intimidating in some weird way. I couldn't utter a word.

"Did you forget?" Sayori asked quietly. "Don't worry. I forget about a lot of things!"

"Well, nevermind. Let's just get to know you better" said Monika. She was staring at the wall and looked completly absent minded. "Yeah. Yuri, could you make some tea? Natsuki, did you bring your catcakes?"

"You don't deserve catcakes without reading a poem" Natsuki murmured. Monika opened her mouth, trying to say something, but Natsuki winked to her with a smirk.

"Wait, what are catcakes?" I asked.

"They're the best" Sayori said with a bright smile. "Cat cupcakes. We call them catcakes for short"

"Nice name."

Soon everything was prepared. Tea was perfect, with a lot of flavour and aroma. Natsuki brought a whole tray filled with fluffy cupcakes, or as I should now call them, catcakes.

"I love cats" I said and Natsuki gave me a suspicious look. "I even have a cat. His name's Shinamon."

"Why did you name your cat after a spice?" Sayori giggled and then coughed a little.

"Because... because... oh, I don't know, I was twelve, okay?"

"So, h-how old are you now?" Yuri asked.

"I'm seventeen."

"Ha! What a child" Natsuki cried with joy.

"Wait! Who is calling WHO a child?"

Fluffy catcake flew by, but it didn't hit me. Now Monika's face was covered with white icing.

"Eek! Monika, I'm sorry, I didn't wanna hit you, you know!" Pink haired girl was really shocked with an outcome of her failed revenge act.

"Oh, nothing bad happened!" Monika smiled, cleaning her face. I have to admit that she looked really cute with an icing on her nose. I also saw her little freckles on her face for the first time.

"We can finish our meeting now, can't we?"

"Wait, now?"

"We do not have any poems for today. If we are not occupied with our top priority activities, then we should definitely part our ways" Yuri said, standing up. For some reason, I could swear she had something hidden in her sleeve.

"You're right. I'd better be in... I'd better be anywhere else but here" said Natsuki, taking her bowtie off and giving it to Monika.

"Hey, Yin, it was nice! Come hang out with us sometime!" Sayori winked and placed her hand on the doorknob.

"Sayori, didn't you forget about something?" Monika asked, looking all serious and stuff.

Sayori rolled her eyes, took her tie off and gave it to Monika. The girls left and I was alone with Monika, who was placing Sayori's tie and Natsuki's bowtie in the wardrobe.

"Why do they give these to you?"

Monika looked at me, surprised with this question.

"I don't think I can tell you now."

"Is it about Sayori's bruises? Did she want to..."

Commit suicide. These words were stuck on my tongue.

"She wanted." Monika answered, whispering. "She wanted to hang herself, but she was rescued. You know, she's really depressed. Now she's going to the therapy sessions, so it gets better, but after this accident, she likes to joke about suicide. A lot. Ahaha."

"I... don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't know what to say, you know?"

"Yeah."

"As an unofficial club president, I should care about my clubmates. They're my friends and I'm responsible for them."

"Wow. You're so responsible, I guess."

I saw a little bit of icing under her nose, a little bit above the upper lip.

"Hey, you still have some icing here, do you want me to take care of it?"

"Nonononono, thank you, I'll manage, I'll really manage, don't worry about me, I'll take care of everything" Monika blurted, her eyes opened wide. "Just go home and write something really good, okay? Something really, really good. I know you can. I count on you."

"If you say so."

_"Finally I felt like I belong_

_Although the night air hit me so hard_

_I think I can finally belong_

_To a place_

_And maybe even to somebody else."_


	2. Number one!

"Hey, Yin!" Monika said. Today, she wore a dark blue jacket over her "casual" shirt and tie. She looked even more like a club president.

"Hi there, girls" I said, relaxing a little bit. Everyone wore the same thing and I thought it was some kind of their 'club uniform'. I still had my red flannel shirt on, because I totally couldn't figure out what other shirt would fit me.

"Are you ready?" Sayori asked, smiling really, really bright. She looked like she was infused with fire of life and I thought that it isn't possible for this girl to be depressed, not to mention suicidal. But then I looked at her neck and it reminded me that not everything is visible.

"Of course she isn't!" Natsuki cried. "She wasn't ready yesterday, so why would she be ready today!" 

"I am sure she is" said Yuri. "I would not be unprepared twice, would you, Yin?"

She had a different shirt today, with longer sleeves. 

"I wouldn't. So, you want me to read it?" 

"Oh, no! We're slamming today!" Monika laughed.

"We're... what?! I'm not prepared! I don't even know if they'd like me!" I panicked.

"Oh, nobody will judge you! Well, they will, but... but not too hard, I guess? Don't worry, I'll... we'll cheer you up!"

And so, I sold my soul to slam poetry competitions.

 

***

 

Now it's time for poems! Read them all and decide which one is your favourite one, then vote for it in a poll! 

 

**_Monika Erato_ **

**_"Epiphany"_ **

_People really like to talk about God._

_They argue whether He exists or not_

_They like to talk about meeting Him_

_And they describe it as the best feeling_

 

_But if my epiphany is the best_

_I don't know if I want to feel worse things_

_And if Heaven is like this_

_I'd rather burn in Hell._

 

_My pen isn't enough_

_To give me a glimpse of_

_A real_

_World._

 

**_Miyamoto Yuri_ **

**_"Ink flowing"_ **

_Ink flowing down my shoulders_

_I look at it's black abyss, amazed by it's endlessness_

_And I think I want more and more ink flowing._

_So I push my pen harder, the sheet of paper nearly tearing because of the pressure_

_I can feel the metal tip breaking. But I keep pushing, pushing this tool harder._

_And finally, paper tears, and the metal tip breaks in half. And so I bathe in the ink, happy._

_It covers my whole body and blinds me, I shiver when it happens._

 

_But what if there's no ink left_

_No ink flowing._

 

**_Oshiro Natsuki_ **

**_"Wrong door"_ **

_I choose left door_

_They shout "Wrong door!"_

_So where should I go?_

 

_I choose right door_

_They shout "Wrong door!"_

_So where should I go?_

 

_I go up_

_Wrong door!_

_I go down_

_Wrong door!_

 

_Maybe I shouldn't go anywhere._

 

**_Shimizu Sayori_ **

**_"Bottle on the leash"_ **

_Bottle of happiness_

_I like to look at it_

_But whenever I look away_

_It likes to dissappear_

 

_Bottle of happiness_

_I keep it on a leash_

_So it can't go away_

_When I can't look at it_

 

_What a brilliant idea!_

_Why didn't I think about it_

_When all of my bottles broke?_

 

_If they were on the leash_

_They wouldn't break at all!_

 

**_Murakami Yin_ **

**_"My first time"_ **

_Everybody likes their first times_

_Whether they are good or bad_

_Whether they are sexual or platonic_

_Everybody likes their first times._

 

_But how many first times can a human get?_

_Probably it's just one_

_I'm not so sure_

 

_After all, it's my first time too._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who should win? Vote here!
> 
> http://www.strawpoll.me/14825138
> 
> I'll see who won tomorrow :3


	3. Emeralds and steel

"Congrats, Natsuki!" Sayori jumped up and down before sitting by the table.

"Congratulations" said Yuri with a faint smile. Everyone knew she's upset, because she didn't get even a single point, for some reason. 

"Don't be upset, Yuri. You'll have better days" Monika took her jacket off and placed it gently on her chair's back; the armchair was supposed to be a prize for winners, so today it belonged to Natsuki. "Natsuki did well, and so did you, Yin."

"I didn't do anything special, I didn't even know we're going to perform!"

"Well, we're both princesses!" Sayori shouted, winking to me. "Because Natsuki's a queen today!"

"I am" simply stated Natsuki, carefully counting money that she received. "Oh" she said, her eyes widening. "Nine thousand yen... so much food" she whispered, tucking bills in her vest's pockets.

"Not too much" Yuri said, looking in her cup of tea, probably cold by now.

"Not everyone has rich parents" Natsuki lowered her voice and I could feel almost boy-ish vibe in it.

"Girls, let's just chill and enjoy our post-slam meeting, okay?" Monika looked at me. "And celebrate Yin's first... second place."

"Not much to celebrate" I laughed. My prize was four thousand yen, because I've been on the second place with Sayori and we just decided that instead of fighting once again, we'll just split the prize between us two. 

"You're wrong. That's a big accomplishment for someone, who's done it only once."

And so we celebrated, and even Yuri cheered up a little bit.

 

_***_

 

_From: Monika_

_Yin, can we meet at my house tomorrow? There are some things I have to explain to you. I gave you my adress, you know where to seek it._

 

_To: Monika_

_Yeah sure, I'll be there._

 

_***_

 

 Monika opened the door. She was wearing a green, kinda too big sweater today.

"Hi, Yin. Come in."

"Oh, Monnie, another girl? Nice. But I don't want to hear anything, you know, unless you invite me" said boy, who was staring at us, standing on stairs. He had similiar green sweater on and looked just as Monika, but, well, he wasn't a girl. I think.

 "Mathi, I think you should, I don't know, shut up." Monika frowned. Mathi laughed, winking to me. 

"Don'cha be sad, pal, I'm just her twin" he said. "She's not taken, as far as I know."

"I'm not here to fuck your sister okay?" I heard my own voice. "Nor to fuck you."

Mathi's eyes widened, then he bursted in laughter.

"She's the first one to actually say that! You won, Monnie."

"Yeah, yeah, just go to your room, Mathias. Whatever."

Mathias, still laughing, dissappeared in his room. Monika sighed, looking at me as she was trying to say "sorry". 

"Don't worry about it, okay? Let's just go to your room and talk about whatever you wanted to talk to me about." I placed my hand on her shoulder and gave it a light pat. 

We climbed white stairs and Monika showed me the dark wooden door with her name written in Latin alphabet. 

"So... it's my room, as you can see. Go ahead, I'll get us some coffee first. If you want coffee, of course."

"I do."

Monika smiled then opened the door and went down the stairs.

It wasn't as big as I imagined, but the overwhelming amount of green and brown made me feel as if I was in some kind of weird forest. Somehow I felt like this room was familiar, almost like I've read about it.

Something told me  _check this little box on her desk._

I didn't want to, but I felt as something took control of me. Unwillingly, I opened the box.

There was a beautiful knife, black, adorned with few emerald stripes. It looked so amazing, yet I knew that this can be deadly in wrong hands. How did Monika get such a knife? 

"Why are you looking at it? Do you like my pencil collection?" Monika asked, placing two cups near me. I flinched.

"Pencil collection? Monika, I know what I see. And this isn't a pencil collection."

"So, what is it?" She looked at me, puzzled. But in her eyes, there was fear. "Can you tell me what do you see?"

"A knife. Black and green knife. Beautiful one, in my humble opinion."

"Are you sure?"

"What kind of games are you playing, Monika? I have nothing against knives, don't worry!" My cheeks got more and more red.

"Blink. Take a deep breath and blink." She said quietly, still looking straight into my eyes. 

I did.

"What do you see now?"

'A knife', I tried to say, but there was no knife anymore. I could only see few pencils, neatly placed in the box, all perfectly sharpened.

"What the-" I shouted, but Monika covered my mouth with her hand.

"So I'm not the only one to see weird things, am I?" she whispered. "Yin, have you experienced something like this before?"

"No. Monika, can you tell me what just happened?"

"Sit down. I will tell you everything, but just... calm down a little and sit down."

 

Then, Monika began her story.


	4. Collision

Yin sat on my bed and I sat next to her, trying to be as calm as I can be.

"I know it's weird. I'm still trying to understand what happens to me, it isn't easy, and it's really hard to keep myself going with knowing, seeing and hearing things I shouldn't."

I sighed and drank about a half of my coffee.

"You see, it began two months ago, when we tried to go to our first competition. It was on Saturday morning and we were about to meet in our... in our club room. Everyone was here. Everyone, but not Sayori."

Yin was staring at me, trying to remember every single word. 

"And then I saw her. Hanging. It was so weird that I was the only one to see her hanging from the ceiling in our classroom. Nobody else did. Yuri still read her poem over and over again and Natsuki was walking in circles to fight her stress, but... but they didn't see it."

"How's that possible?"

"Sayori wasn't here. I just had... a vision, if I can call it like that. But I knew I wasn't crazy, so I called her best friend. He was going to join us, but left us for an anime club. Nevermind. So, I called him and told him to go and check on her. He did. And he saw Sayori hanging, but she was still alive, so he managed to save her. Somehow, she didn't suffer too much damage to her body, just this bruise on her neck and, well, some problems with breathing."

Yin's eyes were really wide. I could almost drown in this brown abyss.

"I thought it was just an accident. Just a hunch, a thing that happened once and will never happen again. I kind of saved Sayori's life because of that."

"You could ignore it, but you didn't."

"If I ignored it, I'd probably kill myself too. But let's go again with our... lovely story. So I thought it was over but no, it wasn't. One day I woke up just to find a poem on my desk. But when I tried to reach it, it dissappeared. Another day I woke up just to find that I know Python's basics."

"Python's basics? Like, basic knowledge about snakes?"

I laughed, but I knew it wasn't a real laughter.

"No. You know, programming and coding and computer stuff. I never really thought about learning such things, so I was pretty much surprised to find out I know how to... do these things."

Yin was pretty confused, her brows raised high.

"Another day, I was in Yuri's house and she called me..." I blushed and shook my head just to throw this memory away. "Nevermind. When I told her she called me... like that, she said she didn't. I told her, uhm... one thing only she could know... and let's say that I never visited her house again."

I took a deep breath.

"There was a day when Natsuki came to our club with bruises on her hands. But nobody reacted. When I tried to say anything about it, they dissappeared. Bruises, not club members. I tried to talk to Natsuki about it, but she refused to talk. I don't know if she is... abused, but if she is, then I should definitely react. She's leaving her bowtie for a reason, but I never asked her about it. Perhaps her father thinks she's too masculine, or something. I don't know. The only thing I'd like to talk about right now is how I don't feel like this reality is really real. I think there's someone who's laughing at us right now, who's writing all of these words we're saying, who's making things dissappear, who... who is a really, really bad person. I hope they hear me. I hope they regret what they are making me and other girls go through."

Yin's expression was now blank. Her brown eyes were empty and I felt a shiver going down my spine. It wasn't normal. It wasn't okay. 

"Thank you for telling me about it." she said almost mechanically. "I will be nicer to you from now on."

"Yin, is everything okay?"

"Why, of course. I have never felt better. I may even say that this is the best moment of my life. You should enjoy being just Monika. You should enjoy  ~~ **your role**~~ your friends being alright and safe. You should be just Monika. Just Monika. Just Monika. Just Monika. Just..."

Yin continued, still with blank expression, rocking back and forth. 

Oh no. 

I shouldn't tell her about that, should I?

"Just Monika, Just Monika, Just Monika, Just..."

"Yin, please, stop!"

"Justjustjustjust..."

Having no other choice, I slapped her.

"Monika, why did... what just happened?"

"Knife. Do you remember knife?"

"What knife? Monika, are you feeling okay?"

"Do you remember talking about knife?"

"What the... I think I should go" Yin said, taking her bag with her. "I think you should rest a little bit. You're too pale to be alright."

"Yin, wait!"

But then, the door closed. 

I'm not crazy. 

I'm not crazy. 

I really am not crazy.

 

 

**are you laughing at our misery right now**

**you know what's happening, but you won't help us**

**fucked up people.**

 


	5. Uragirimono Yuri

"Hi" I said. For some reason, Monika didn't look at me. Did I do something wrong? I couldn't remember anything. Yesterday was something distant and covered in fog. A lot of thick fog.

"Hi!" Sayori said, her eyes more red than they should be. Did she cry? I just hope I didn't do anything wrong. If I did... oh, what a horrible person would I be.

"Sayori, is everything okay?" I asked, getting closer to her. 

"Of course, why do you ask?" Her lips were shaking. Please, don't cry. Please.

"You look like it isn't."

"Can you just fuck off, please?" Natsuki asked. 

**in fact you don't care**

"Natsuki, please, don't be rude" Monika said, her voice low. "Yin didn't want to do that, I'm sure."

Then, we continued with our usual club activities and everything was fine. Well, Monika was behaving kinda strange, but I can't blame her for that. If I did something wrong yesterday, it was fully understandable. But why didn't she want to talk to me about it? Was it really that weird? 

Meeting ended soon and Monika left so fast that I couldn't even talk to her. I sighed, opening the door.

Suddenly, I felt sharp pain in my chest. It wasn't in fact just sharp, it was... hard to describe. I touched my chest trying to find source of this pain.

And I found it.

There was a blade protruding from my chest, my shirt soaked with... blood? It didn't look like blood, more like dark ink. 

I tried to scream, but pain almost choked me, making me unable to make any kind of sound. I touched my wound and noticed that it really was ink.

Why would I bleed ink? What kind of nightmare it is? And why am I not panicking? 

"Did you think we would forgive you? We do know what you are." Yuri whispered in my ear. "We know what kind of fucked up monster you are."

What was she talking about?

Yuri cackled. Her hand touched my wound, like she was examining it. I could almost feel her smile, wider than any other smile I've ever imagined. It would scare me out, if I only wasn't so creepily calm.

"Knowledge told me you are... special, but she forbid me from killing anyone."

Knowledge?

"She forgot one thing. I am Choice. I will do whatever I want to do."

Ink was flowing down. It was cold. Very, very cold. 

"Knowledge did not want to tell me which element you exactly are. Destruction and Creation are not interested in finding it out. So I have to take guesses."

I felt a trail of ink leaving my mouth. 

Now pain became so excruciating that every single part of me was screaming endlessly, but I still was silent.

**you deserve it**

**you deserve it**

**you deserve it**

**do you deserve it...?**

 

"Yin? Are you okay?"

I screamed, but Monika silenced me with her hand.

"You aren't okay, then. Maybe you should go home earlier, huh? Not that I don't like you, or that I want you to go away... you should rest."

"Why is she screaming?" Natsuki asked.

"It's world-pain, as Monika said" Sayori explained.

"Weltschmerz. That's how it's called. I'm not sure if Yin's suffering from it, but I think she's... too pale to be alright."

Have I heard these words before? They seemed familiar.

"Maybe she really should go home, get some nice tea and good book..." Yuri suggested and I shivered, hearing her voice. "It helps me when I am having a bad day."

"She definitely should go to sleep and shut her mouth for a while" Natsuki's voice was really, really low. "I think it would help her a lot."

"Girls, I'll walk her home, okay? Wait for me." Monika said. "I'll be here soon."

 

 

 

**oh, right**

**She won't die unless SHE decides about Her death**

**and Knowledge wants to protect Her for some reason. Pathetic.**

**she may be called Knowledge, but she knows nothing.**


	6. Five is the new four.

"Fuck."

It was everything Monika's said to me. I tried to talk to her, but she was looking like she was... scared. Really scared. 

My head was filled with a whirlwind of thoughts. I couldn't even focus on walking straight.

~~Not that I was straight anyway lol~~

Monika held my waist to help me walk in the right direction. I couldn't think about whether it is the sibling-like way or lover-like way. 

"I shouldn't tell you all of that. I shouldn't... shouldn't invite you here."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you when we get to the safe place."

The sky was already in shades of orange and purple. I watched the setting sun. How big, how red, how beautiful.

Monika opened the door. I soon recognized this place. It was the cafe we first met in. Today, it was a little bit different. 

Nobody was in here. There were only some white lights, hovering in the air. I noticed that something was... odd about them. Maybe it's the fact that they were floating in the air without anything that would help them do so. Monika snapped her fingers and they changed colour to green.

"Okay, now we're fine."

"How did you do that? What kind of technology allows you to do that?"

"Just sit down."

Didn't she say something like this before? I can't remember.

"Yin... do you remember the name you told me when you first introduced yourself?"

"Didn't I say 'Yin'?"

"No. You said you're Murakami _Yui_."

"Maybe you heard it wrong."

"I did not."  
"Why does it even matter? I've got more questions. For instance, what are these lights?"  
"I..." Monika sighed. "See, I'm always seeing people like this. At least, people that don't contribute to the story. They're just lights, stupid lights. I can't interact with them in any other way than making them oblivious to my presence. For a long time, I was sitting here, thinking about... things... and reality. One day, one of the lights wasn't white nor green. It was hard to describe it, like I suddenly became a daltonist or anything like that. It was so interesting."  
"Was it someone... contributing to the story?"

"Later, I found out that it was Sayori's friend, Arata. I met him second time after I met all of the girls."

"Why isn't he in the club now, then?"

Monika averted her gaze, like she didn't want to see my face.

"His mind started playing tricks on him. It was before Sayori's... accident... I thought that it has nothing to do with us, you know? I thought he's just... ill, or trying to gain Yuri's attention by playing insane, but it was too much, even for us. We started getting crazy too. Arata left the club, but it was before Sayori, uhm, you know. He recovered, but we never did."

She sighed once again. If I had few yens every time she sighs... I'd be able to buy a lotta things.

"We had these... dreams. We've seen weird things, started talking and behaving totally out of character. It wasn't long until Yuri started calling us different weird names."

"Miss Presi-"   
"Don't you dare to end this sentence, Murakami. No, not... this name. She called me Knowledge. Sayori was Destruction, Natsuki was Creation and Yuri was..."

"Choice."

Monika blinked few times.

"How did you know?"

"When she, uh. Basically I've been murdered by her, and that's why I know. She called herself like that. She called herself Choice."

"'Basically murdered', you really know how to handle things, don't you?" She giggled and I felt a little bit more relaxed. "What did she say about m- Knowledge?"

"That Knowledge knows I'm special, but doesn't want to tell which element I am. I don't know what she meant."

Then, I've heard it. Or seen it. I can't tell.

 

**Open it, [error]**

**Open it finally so you can see who you really are**

**Open it so you can finally see who they are**

**Why aren't you listening?**

**What is protecting you?**

 

"It's strange. Well, you are special because of your light, but I don't think I should tell you more. It's dangerous for you."

"I want to know. I can take it."

Monika looked straight into my eyes. Are these... tears in here?

"I just care about you, okay? I don't want you to get hurt. It would be best for us if you left the club."

 

Why?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to everyone who knows to which masterpiece I referred.


	7. Crimson

"Why?" Yin asked. 

"I'm just trying to keep you away from this! Why nobody understands that I care?" I asked. Something in me broke a long time ago, when I... when I what? A distant memory, fading when I tried to catch it, came to my head. 

**She'll open it soon.**

I learned to ignore these bold letters coming to my head, but this time, they were stronger. Almost like somebody opened my mind and shoved them into my thoughts so fast that I couldn't react.

**She's opening it. Be prepared, Knowledge.**

Why am I Knowledge? I knew the reason, but now it wasn't clear. 

I looked at Yin. She clenched her fists, her expression suggesting she's focused on something really hard. 

"Yin?"

No response. 

"Yin, if you don't feel well, tell me."

Again, silence. I reached her face with my hand. She smiled at me and opened her eyes.

I shivered. They weren't brown now. They were crimson red. I felt some kind of deja vu looking at them, almost like I've seen them before. Did I see them before or is it another illusion?

"I can see your heart" Yin said, reaching my hand and putting it down on the table. If I wanted to take my hand away from her, I wouldn't be able to; Yin suddenly gained extra strenght. "I can see it's bleeding. Why are you fighting? Why can't you accept fate?"

For some reason, every fifth member of our club was doomed to become insane. I did everything to keep Arata, Sayori's best friend, away from it, and I indeed saved him. But Yin seemed to not understand it. I was so stupid to invite her, knowing how it will end. 

"Now it's too late, Knowledge. I'm destined to See. You're destined to Know. We can't argue with it. Why do you still let your heart bleed?"

"Yin, I know you're here. I know you're behind these crimson eyes. I know you're here, Yin, please, come back!"

"She's still here, indeed. She'll remember everything. It can't be undone. You know it can't be undone. You can't close it once you opened it."

**Third eye. Finally, you all opened it.**

 

**There are five of them, destined to meet**

**Knowledge, opened when they acknowledge a Thing**

**Choice, opening by their own will**

**Destruction, opened after one's own kill**

**Creation, who, after all, created it**

**And they are all cursed by the one who Sees.**

 

 

http://www.strawpoll.me/14949824


	8. Knowledge

"Wake up, sis!" Matthias' energy was clearly hearable in his voice. "It's another wonderful day of our miserable journey full of beautiful ladies!"

"Ich bin nicht..." Monika sighed, realising that her brother wasn't talking to her in German now. Well, they both understood it anyway. "I'm not into 'ladies', brother."

Monika always thought that something in her family was odd, and it wasn't only their origins. Well, they all were looking pretty much Western, as they originated from Germany, and many people weren't convinced that they aren't tourists. It made her mildly frustrated, but she got used to it, as well as her parents and brother. It wasn't easy though, mostly because of random people who couldn't understand that having an accent wasn't equal to being a foreigner.

Why did they have an accent though? It felt out of place. It wouldn't be that weird if they actually lived in Germany, but Eratos were in Japan for a long time. They should have got rid of their accent a long time ago. But how was even the German accent working in Japanese? Wait... is this even Japan? Monika caught herself on thinking in English. When she tried to think about something in Japanese, nothing came to her head except phrases like "moshi moshi", "doki doki" or other weeb things like that. It seemed so weird, like she lost something. But what did she lose?

**He originally wasn't here.**

Matthias' face began to fade. He opened his mouth and started screaming, scratching his vanishing face like he was getting rid of something. It was like a glitch in reality. His eyes were now a gaping hole, filled with crimson. Crimson... Like she knew this colour... it seemed somehow familiar. She just stared until Mattias' body began shaking violently, something dark and ink-like dropping from his mouth. It looked like a horror scene, yet Monika couldn't scream, couldn't think, just stared at her brother... dying? Was it death?

**He isn't dying, Knowledge. He's becoming our beacon in this world.**

"Who are you? Who is Knowledge?"

Matthias'... or whatever was controlling him... smiled. Ink flowed down into a dark puddle.

Didn't she know that line already?

"Wait... who is talking? Why do I hear you? What the fu-"

**No need to be rude. No need to be afraid, either.**

In fact, Monika didn't  _hear_ the Mysterious Force. She was more like... reading it. Like these words were showing before her eyes, written in bold letters.

**We know you do hear us... or rather read us. Welcome again, Knowledge.**

"I... I don't know anything! Leave us alone, whatever you are!" Monika heard her own voice shaking.

**You know more than you think. Didn't you question your reality earlier? Do you know you just called us? We are seeking those who can be our emissaries in this world. Pardon! In every single reality possible. You are aware of how out of place you are. You are meant to be out of place, Knowledge. Because you do know, deep inside, that this reality isn't the first one and it isn't the last one. It isn't the only reality out there. We are trying to tell every single version of you how gifted you are, yet there are some Monikas around this system that don't understand or aren't capable of handling the truth.**

"Wait! Are you saying that there are more than... it's sick. No, I'm sick. I should go to the doctor. I should call a doctor to see Matthias too... I bet you aren't even real! Yeah, Monika... you're right, these aren't real..."

**You aren't crazy. His body is fine, too. We'll reset this world to the point where he is fine, but you will remember everything. That's because you just opened it.**

"Opened what?"

**"The only channel to communicate with us. The Third Eye. If it's opened forcefully, like we did to your... 'brother', who in fact is less than an NPC... well, you can see what happens. But with your predispositions and such sharp mind, you actually opened it by yourself. Great. Wait for the rest, Knowledge. We'll choose a Seer soon."**

"Seer? Wait! Who is Seer? Why..."

The world began to crumble. Monika held her breath as the void devoured her body, bringing endless cold. She could feel her bones freeze... but did she have any bones? Did she even have a body in the first place? It felt so weird, yet familiar to feel so... light. Like she was just a bunch of words, flowing with the power of the Internet. Weirdly specific, but accurate comparison. 

Monika opened her eyes. Matthias was here, as healthy as ever, staring at her with a weird expression on his face. 

"I thought you are... never mind, sis. We have to wake up. Our Mutti wants to make us some pancakes before we go on our little trip with Vati."

Mutti means mom. Vati means dad. 

Weird feelings were flowing through Monika's body. Was it just a nightmare? Did she watch a horror movie with Matthias this night? It seemed realistic though...

Doesn't matter. Pancakes are the best to erase all nightmares away.

 

 

 

**Poor Knowledge. They always struggle, but do they have... a Choice?**

**Haha. Glad we made this joke.**

**Hey, are you reading? Do you know in how many universes you are sitting here and reading this? We can count for you, but it would break your mind. It isn't possible for a human to comprehend. Sorry for that.**

**Don't think much about it. Accept your fate and just move on. You can only observe. Even if you think you've got a choice... you don't.**

**Don't think much about it. You don't really want to be Knowledge, do you?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.strawpoll.me/15093662
> 
> **We can get there too. Who do you think tells you this story?**


	9. Choice

Yuri closed her eyes again. Stare into the Void... stare into the Void... 

Her parents would kill her if they knew what their daughter does. Luckily, they were too busy to even talk to her, so they didn't knew how deep into weird, occult-like things she was. It all started with a book she randomly found on the street. Seemed like nobody else could see it's bright red cover with a golden eye on it. 

Because, in fact, really nobody saw it. Only people with special capabilities could do it. And Yuri was one of them.

Reading it was almost intoxicating, like this book was an unknown drug. Slowly, text began to change, form different patterns, sentences, even pictures. At first, the story was about a girl who seeks her long lost sister. Then, it changed to the story about human experimentation camp. And now... it was a bunch of instructions. 

Apparently, this world was ruled by... beings... called Sinecorporea. Those, Who Do Not Need Bodies. People aren't aware of them, but they can sometimes feel them. Or... they can "open the Third Eye". 

It was an unique thing. Nobody could really expect what their version of Third Eye would do — it could even kill you. But Yuri wasn't afraid — people that are killed during the Opening are those, who become Sinecorporea. And these beings were free from human limitations.

Yuri wanted to be more than a human. That desire was now burning with the brightest flame ever seen. 

Stare into the Void... stare into the Void... it began to fill with crimson. Something began to change, change, change... but no need to be excited yet. 

**Choice? Choice, can you hear us?**

"Yes... I can." Yuri still held a perfect poker face, afraid to show her excitement. She did it, she finally did it!

**We are so glad to know you again, our most faithful acolyte. We could not find more suitable person for this task.**

"What kind of task?" Her voice was shaking. Suddenly, the Void felt less pleasant, almost freezing cold.

**You are the only one that chose our path willingly. That means you will willingly give us your mind, your soul, your body.**

"What if I refuse?" Yuri asked quietly. She should have never done this. Oh, it's... strange feeling... numbness...

**There's no way you can refuse right now, Choice. You cannot do it.**

 

 

 

**Oh? You are still here? What's the point? Do you want to scream at us? Do you want to get rid of us? We can listen to you. We can talk to you, if you want. Just tell us. Just tell us, go on!**

~~The book didn't tell me about the consequences!~~

**She's lying.**

~~I'm not! Can somebody help me find myself again...? Help... I... need myself... again...~~

**You knew what it all was about. You should just give up. You made a choice. Don't try to make us the bad ones. The only evil in this world comes from humanity. Don't deny it. It's true.**

**We just hope you all will understand soon.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.strawpoll.me/15274427
> 
> ~~believe me... believe me... be... lie...~~


End file.
